Tango was utterly and completely bored, and he had never been so happy about it. As much as he loved bringing new projects and wild ideas to life, the unfortunate thing was that after a while, it really started to feel like work . Decked Out had become one of those projects, and he was glad to have finally completed it. Even with the added fun of having Impulse or Zed to help him, he thought if he ever had to lay another line of redstone he might just cry.
Okay, he wasn’t quitting redstone forever, but at least for today. Tango stretched and gazed sleepily up at the sky through a canopy of swaying pink tree fronds. He’d technically come out here to work on the landscape around his base, but why not nap for a few minutes? Or an hour. Or two. It wasn’t like he had anything urgent to do. He sighed and leaned back against the trunk, closing his eyes and soaking in the warmth of the sun dappling his face.
Ding!
“Wha….”
He pried open his eyes and groggily fumbled for his communicator. Figures. What with how nice it was outside and how long it had been since he’d actually slept, this had better be important.
<ImpulseSV> tango
<TangoTek> hm?
<ImpulseSV> having trouble with decked out
Tango gave the second most dramatic sigh of his life and smacked his palm into his forehead. Of course it was Decked Out. What else could it be?
<ImpulseSV> voice?
Tango winced. If it needed a voice call, it had to be more than a quick fix. He flipped on the voice setting and did his best to rearrange his brain into something resembling wakefulness.
“Hey man, what’s up?”
“Hey, Tango, buddy, I’m - well, I’m in Decked Out…”
“Yes, you did mention that.” Tango rallied the rest of his brainpower and started paying his full attention. Impulse normally had a slightly stressed tone to his voice, but today he seemed a bit more tense than usual. It was making Tango nervous.
“Well, I went in, and that worked fine, but now the doors won’t open for me to exit?”
“That...definitely qualifies as a problem.” Tango was already up and flying to his storage room to grab some redstone supplies.
“Yeah, it’s a lot less fun in here when the game won’t end.” Impulse laughed nervously. Tango cringed as he remembered just how many ravagers and evokers he and Zed had put in earlier. No wonder Impulse sounded jumpy.
“I’ll be right there, just stay hidden and don’t let the ravagers eat your face!” Tango rummaged through his ender chest and pulled out his redstone box. “Anything else you can tell me, like how you broke it, where you broke it…?”
“I never said I broke it,” Impulse mumbled indignantly. “But, yeah, there is something else. Stay away from-” He suddenly drew in a sharp breath and then went quiet.
“...Impulse? You okay?” Tango heard fabric rustle in the background, and then his friend’s somewhat-shaky voice came back on the speaker.
“Um, yeah, I’m fine, just come quickly.”
“Will do.”
Tango took off from his base, taking a moment to tell Zed to meet him there. If he had to work on Decked Out for yet another day, he would rather not do it alone. Looks like redstone can have me again for the moment. The nap would have to wait.
-----------------------------------------------------------
“Tango!” Zedaph was already beaming at him from the entrance when Tango swooped in for a landing. He spiraled around the giant ravager head a couple times and skidded to a halt in front of Zed.
“What’s happening?” Zed waved away the dust of Tango’s landing and slung his arm around his shoulders. “Heard Decked Out got decked again?”
“How did you get here before me, your base is way over at - you know what, I don’t want to know.” Tango laughed. “For all I know you’ve got a magical space-time-shiftinator or something in that cave of yours.”
Zed chuckled. “I think you mean a nether portal, my friend. And I was in the shopping district already, you know, just having a look around. Not much to do today, plenty of time to help you out.”
“Again.” Tango felt slightly bad about how much Zed and Impulse had helped him with this project, but hey, they had offered. Besides, they’d been nagging him to tell them about it so often that it only made sense to include them in the process.
“Oh, the things I do for you,” Zed sighed mournfully. Tango rolled his eyes and brushed Zed’s arm away with a grin. Most of the server had Tango pinned as the dramatic one of the trio, but when Zed got going, man, did he ever get going.
“Well I wouldn’t say this one is entirely for me,” Tango pointed out. “Impulse is in there with about five ravagers being all chomp-y and ravage-y.”
“Yeah, what a silly thing for him to do. Oh wait, that’s where we’re going.”
Tango started down the stairs, already trying to picture what the problem might be. “Well, I was planning on just fixing the redstone without going in, but that could take a while. You’re right, we should probably rescue Impy first.”
“Well, good thing I brought this then!” Zed tossed an invisibility potion in the air and caught it. “Straight out of the new brewing system.”
Tango internally kicked himself for forgetting his own potion, but outwardly, he just smirked.
“Coward potion,” he teased, elbowing Zed in the ribs.
“Person who likes to live potion!” Zed protested, dodging away.
“I’ve got armour on, I’ll live.” Tango shrugged. “Plus I think I know the dungeon well enough to avoid them.”
“Well, I know the dungeon pretty well too…” Zed paused to chug his potion. “...And I know myself well enough to know that I’ll forget I know it!” He promptly disappeared into a cloud of faint particles.
“Gah...I’m not even going to try to understand that,” Tango sighed. “Let’s just go bust him out and get to work.”
Tango bypassed the key system and passed through the prep chamber. Careful to avoid the wither skeletons on either side, he triggered the pressure plates to open the entrance. The heavy door slid open just fine. Huh, that’s weird…. He couldn’t think of a way it could be broken from one side and not the other. He passed through the door, barely seeing Zed’s invisibility particles hovering by his side. Once the door closed behind him, he turned around and stepped on the pressure plate to open it again.
The door opened instantly.
“Do you think he just got lost?” Tango nearly jumped out of his skin at Zed’s disembodied voice.
“Don’t do that to me man, this place is stressful enough!” He put a hand against the wall and tried to bring his heart rate back to normal. “I don’t know, this door thing is weird...you’re probably right though. I did kind of design this place to be confusing.”
“I think you did a good enough job.”
“Not so good that we shouldn’t be able to find him.” Tango took a few steps into the gloom of the dungeon and glanced around. “Impulse?”
“I’m here..!” A faint voice echoed from the narrow halls.
“Follow that!” The invisible Zedaph took off in the direction of the sound. Tango followed more slowly, wary of ravagers and their ability to see - and maul - him.
“Impulse!” Impulse didn’t reply, but Zedaph did.
“He’s in the happy fun room!” he called back. The invisibility particles darted around the corner, and Tango followed them into the dungeon’s torture chamber.
He heard Impulse a second before he saw him, but it was still a second too late.
“No, Tango! Don’t come in here-”
Tango glimpsed him through the bars of a cage in the corner, frantically waving at him to run. He only had time to absorb the desperate look on his face before he heard the heavy thud of stone against stone.
Tango whirled around to see doors sealed tight behind him, doors that shouldn’t even be in this room. He reached for his pick to break through them, but a cold, smooth voice froze him where he stood.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the voice drawled. “Unless you like to hear the sound of pain.”
Tango slowly turned around to face the room.
“I’m sorry,” Impulse whispered, before he was cut off in a sharp breath by the blade being held against his throat. Tango’s eyes travelled up the blade, through the bars of the cage, and up the arm of the man who held it.
“So nice to finally meet you, Tango . I’ve heard so very much about you.” Unnatural, neon-blue eyes burned into his own.
“Who are you,” he whispered, but the back of his throat felt like it was filled with dry ash. He already knew who this was.
Aside from the eyes and the jet-black hair, Tango was looking at himself.
Zedaph was trying his very best to make himself more still than an armour stand, and twice as unremarkable. He’d come here expecting to hold a few redstone torches and give some timing tips while Tango fixed Decked Out. He had decidedly not been expecting a man with a sword who looked how Tango might look if he’d woken up on the wrong side of Zed’s bed contraption.
How has he not seen me yet? Oh right… He’d been caught so off guard, he’d actually forgotten he was invisible. That hardly helped him to relax, though, under the circumstances.
“Who are you?” Tango’s voice shook.
“Who am I? What a stupid question.” The blue-eyed man chuckled. He lowered the sword and turned from the cage, a dark blue cloak swishing behind him. “I’m you, except better in every imaginable way.”
Zedaph pressed his transparent form to the wall as the man passed him, hoping against all hope that he wouldn’t see the invisibility particles. He had to admit he knew very little right now, but he did know one thing: this guy didn’t seem to have realized yet that Zedaph existed. Right now, that was as close to an advantage as any of them were going to get.
It would be a lot more handy if Zed had any idea how to use that advantage, though. He looked over at Tango as though he could read an answer from his face, but he seemed just as lost. He stood by the door with wide eyes, still slowly lowering his pickaxe, trying to absorb what was happening. The cloaked figure continued his slow march toward Tango, talking all the while.
“I’m you, but stronger, more powerful, and a whole lot smarter. I’m what you would be, if you’d ever grown a backbone and learned how to properly use people - “ he flicked his sword behind him to gesture at the caged Impulse “- instead of getting too attached.”
Tango seemed to have recovered some of his senses, and Zed could see a plan forming behind his eyes.
“I’ve heard about people like you,” he said, taking a slight step back. “Wels was freaking out about some cloning accident a while ago, and we all know about Evil Xisuma.” He shot the other man a confident grin that Zed could see was forced. “X said he took care of it, though. In fact, I bet Xisuma could deal with you the exact same way.” He reached for his communicator.
In a heartbeat, the cloaked man was back at the cage with his sword drawn. Impulse stifled a cry as the blade pierced his shoulder.
“By all means keep trying to contact your admin,” Evil Tango taunted, giving the sword a cruel twist. “See how that works out for mister leverage over here.”
“Just run, Tango,” Impulse said through gritted teeth. “Don’t do anything he asks you to -”
“Shut up.” Impulse gasped and sank to his knees as Evil Tango pulled the sword away. He turned and started slowly pacing the room. “We both know he’s not going anywhere.”
Hands shaking, Zedaph quietly reached for his own communicator. He tapped out a short, urgent SOS to Xisuma and waited a few seconds. No reply. They were on their own.
Zed’s mind was racing, frantically trying to think of some way he could help. If he tried to release Impulse the other Tango would notice, and who knew what he’d do then? Zed had no idea what abilities an evil clone might have. He wasn’t at all confident in his chances in a straight-up fight, especially since he didn’t have any armour on. He was just about vibrating with the need to step in, but he decided to stay hidden until he had an actual plan.
Tango jerked his hand away from the communicator. “Okay, okay, just stop!” He held his arms away from his body, making it clear he wasn’t going to try anything.
“There, that’s more like it,” Evil Tango soothed in a sickly sweet voice. “See? This doesn’t have to be hard. You keep it up with the cooperating, and we can all have a little less of the Impulse-stabification, okay?”
“What do you want.” Tango’s words were hardly even a question; more a flat, defeated statement.
“Wonderful, it seems I finally have your full attention.” Evil Tango continued his slow prowl around the room. “First of all, I’d like you to empty your inventory.” He tossed one of the black Decked Out boxes onto the floor with a thud. “Weapons, armour, tools, all of it goes in there. Now.”
Tango didn’t move an inch. “I do that, and you let Impulse go?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Evil Tango waved his hand dismissively. “Your stuff in the box, and one other thing: let yourself be captured without a struggle. Do that, and I promise I’ll release him.”
No, no…! Zedaph waved his invisible hands as though he could somehow signal Tango through telepathic don’t-do-it gestures. Having no equipment would bring this situation from bad to impossible, but Tango didn’t really have a choice. Zed watched as he slowly laid down his last item in the shulker and stood unarmed and unarmoured before his menacing counterpart.
A cold, pointed grin spread over Evil Tango’s face. He pulled a length of chain from the ceiling and kicked at the backs of Tango’s knees, forcing him to the ground with a thud.
“There, was that so hard?” he sneered as he bound Tango’s wrists and ankles. “I knew we would come to an agreement.”
“Just let him go,” Tango snapped, shifting uncomfortably on the cold blackstone bricks.
“Don’t worry, a deal is a deal!” Evil Tango twisted his features into a picture of honour and innocence. “I am definitely going to let him go.”
He strode over to the cage and unlatched the door. Impulse half fell out of the cell and scrambled to his feet, hand still pressed against his bleeding shoulder. Evil Tango grabbed a fistfull of his collar and started dragging him across the room, straight toward the dungeon’s pit and the endless void below.
Tango’s eyes widened. “No, you said -”
By the time Impulse gathered himself to struggle, it was too late. His scream faded into nothingness as Evil Tango kicked him over the edge. Zedaph ran to the hole just in time to see him disappear in a glimmer of white particles far, far out of reach.
“Well, you can’t say I didn’t honour our deal.” Evil Tango turned from the pit, his arm almost catching the invisible Zedaph as he ducked out of the way. Too close . Seeing Impulse die like that had made him reckless. As shaken as he was, he would have to be more careful. A plan was starting to form in Zed’s mind, but it relied on him not blowing his cover. He crept back to the wall again to stealthily observe.
“I should have seen that coming,” Tango murmured. He’d managed to pull himself up to his knees, and his head hung low with hopelessness.
“Really, you should have seen all of this coming,” Evil Tango chuckled. “I mean, you did build an entire dungeon down here, and you’re not even making proper use of it! You can’t just expect me to not make myself at home, you know. It even comes with a throne!” He tilted his head in thought. “Granted, there is an armour stand statue of some miserable idiot currently inhabiting it. I’m going to have to remove that, once I’m properly settled in.”
Tango raised his head a fraction. “What do you mean?”
Evil Tango’s eyes flared with the icy glow of soul flame. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Zed’s attention was pulled away from Evil Tango’s words by the sudden buzz of his communicator. He scrambled to muffle the sound, but it seemed to be quiet enough that neither of the Tangos had noticed.
<ImpulseSV> zed there’s a big problem at decked out
Perfect! Impulse must have just respawned. His plan solidified even further as he replied:
<ZedaphPlays> I know, I’m in the dungeon
<ImpulseSV> ?
<ZedaphPlays> invis
<ZedaphPlays> he hasn’t seen me yet
<ImpulseSV> how long left
Zed cringed. The potion had an eight minute duration, it must be running out soon. He was tucked behind the corner of a cage right now, but if he went visible, it would only take a slight movement to give him away.
<ZedaphPlays> not long enough
<ZedaphPlays> where’s your stuff?
<ImpulseSV> decked out locker
<ZedaphPlays> don’t come here yet, I have a plan
<ImpulseSV> count me in
Zedaph took a moment to gather his thoughts, then started typing again. He tuned out Evil Tango in the background and tried to focus on the plan, fit together all the factors in a way that would add up to “me and all my friends are safe”. If he could choose anything to use to get this problem solved, he had to admit that “a Zedaph plan” wasn’t very high on his list. No, can’t afford to think like that. He took a deep breath and tried to push the thought from his mind, tried to summon more confidence in himself.
He needed to. Right now, it was the only hope they had.
As great as it was from an interior decorating perspective, Tango regretted making his torture room so well equipped.
He pulled at his wrists, testing the strength of the chains that bound him. They held fast. Of course they did, he had crafted them himself. He was trapped in a prison of his own making, and he could see no way to escape. Somehow, this twisted copy of himself had walked into his world and instantly pinpointed all of his weak spots, took every small detail of the life he had built and turned it against him. Now, kneeling on the blackstone floor with no tools and no hope, he wondered if he ever even stood a chance.
No. He couldn’t let that kind of thinking eat away at him. He would find a way - he just needed to buy some more time. This man might look like him and claim to know everything about him, but he was wrong about one thing: Tango was not an idiot. The dungeon he was currently trapped in was a monument to his ability to problem solve, his persistence in finding a new way when all else seemed doomed to fail. All he needed was a few more minutes to think of something, and this nightmare could be over for good.
He just needed to keep Evil Tango talking.
“What do you mean?” He let his voice break and kept his eyes on the floor, making himself look as harmless and defeated as possible. If he could get Evil Tango to explain his plans, he might give away some valuable information that could be used to escape. If not, it would still be a few more minutes before he made whatever his next move would be, and more time before that happened could only be good.
“I thought you’d never ask.” Evil Tango’s pacing brought him to a halt in front of Tango, heavy boots scuffing the floor. He positioned the blade under his chin and tilted his head up to look him in the eye.
“You, Tango, are going to help out with a project I like to call gaining unlimited powe r. And by ‘help out’, I of course mean ‘do absolutely nothing’.” The man gave a crooked grin.
“Could you be more vague, possibly?” Tango sighed, and then winced as the blade pricked his neck.
“Don’t rush me,” Evil Tango growled. “After I lock you away, you’ll wish you still had me to talk to, just for something to do with the remainder of your pointless existence.
He twirled the sword in his hand and sheathed it. “You see, I come from a charming little getaway destination called Hels . You may have heard of it? Well, if you have, it’s because that fool of a knight went and broke the pact. The jerk went and revealed us all to the overworld, tried to take it for himself.” Evil Tango scoffed. “He failed, of course, but now every other loser in the Hels dimension wants in on the new territory.” He swept his arms out in a wide, all-encompassing gesture.
“This place, this server, is the new frontier. Back at home, the hierarchy is already locked in: the powerful thrive, the followers serve, and the people like me? The ones who were born to rule but never got the chance?” His all-too-familiar face warped into a mask of utter hatred. “We suffer .”
Tango suppressed an ironic smile as he recognised his own tendency to babble. It was easy to keep this guy talking, but so far, it hadn’t resulted in anything approaching a plan. At any moment, Evil Tango could get bored with monologuing and decide to do something a little more...concrete. Tango’s mind raced. He couldn’t let a pause stretch on for too long, or he might run out of time.
“So, why didn’t you just overthrow the big guys? If you’re so great, why not start a revolution or something?” he asked.
“Oh, I tried.” Evil Tango tilted his head to show off a long, silvery scar that trailed down the side of his neck. “Power that’s been held for that long is next to impossible to shift, even with a couple of pawns as backup. There was no room for me there. But here? If I can put myself on the throne in this dimension before the others arrive in full force, I’ll have them all under my control.”
He spread his arms wide, cloak flowing from his shoulders. “Resources, manpower, whatever I need. They’ll lay it all at my feet if I tell them to. I’ll even have that admin of yours jumping at the chance to obey me, given enough time to break him first.” He smiled and rubbed his hands together exactly the way Tango did when he was excited about a project.
A cold shiver ran down Tango’s spine, but he didn’t show it. “And how exactly do you plan to accomplish all that? Seems a little far fetched to me.”
Evil Tango crouched down to his level and put a hand on his shoulder. “By becoming you, of course.”
A change rippled its way across his face. Tango stifled a gasp as his counterpart’s eyes shifted from blue to red, his hair fading from jet black to golden blond. Tango’s heart sank as he found himself looking at an exact mirror image of his own form.
“Anyone could see through that,” he said, but he didn’t believe it. He didn’t want to think about how many of his friends would fall for the ruse, how many would be hurt and manipulated and controlled because they only saw Tango when they looked at the copy….
“The people here trust you.” Evil Tango stood, letting the disguise fall. “They trust you, so now, they trust me. A lie here, a bribe there, plenty of ‘unfortunate accidents’ for those who don’t comply….” He gave a long, gleeful grin. “Turning your friends into loyal subjects should be easy as - well, easy as trapping an idiot in a dungeon!” He chuckled and yanked on the end of Tango’s chains, making him fall forward with a painful clatter.
Tango’s palms were slick with sweat. He couldn’t think of a way to stall for any longer without giving away what he was doing. Time was up, and he still didn’t know what to do: a fact that burned all the more now that he knew what Evil Tango’s plans were.
“Now, the only thing left is to make sure you don’t break free and become a problem. As much as I am a fan of complicated schemes, sometimes the best solution is painfully simple.” A dark, glistening block appeared in Evil Tango’s hand. “ You don’t have tools. I’ve been gathering obsidian for months. Let’s see if your will to escape runs out before the layers of your prison do.” He stooped down and placed the first block.
Tango, however, had only been half listening to the last part of the rant. He’d noticed something over Evil Tango’s shoulder as he spoke: a head of blond curls cautiously peering out from behind a nearby cage. Zedaph. Tango’s sinking feeling grew. He had hoped against all hope that Zed had been able to get away and go for help. Now, it seemed his invisibility had run out along with both their luck.
Tango tried his best to watch Zed without giving away his location too much. Zed was signalling something to him that he couldn’t quite understand. He pointed to Evil Tango, then pointed to his ear, then gestured to the wall and made a motion as though he was using a pickaxe. He looked back at Tango expectantly.
Evil Tango? Mining? What…. Oh. Zed was going to mine through the wall, and he didn’t want Evil Tango to hear. Tango blinked back at Zed as subtly as he could, hoping he got the right idea. Zed nodded and pointed at him. Me. He needs me to create a distraction.
It might not be the smartest option, but it was the only one he had. As Evil Tango placed the second obsidian block, Tango leveraged himself up onto his still-chained feet and lunged.
What was intended to be a lunge turned into more of a topple as the two of them fell to the ground. Evil Tango grunted and twisted out from underneath Tango, pushing him away. Tango rolled away further and started inching toward the shulker that held all his tools. He knew he would never get there in time - he just hoped the dragging chains were making enough noise to cover Zed’s maneuver.
“Oh no you don’t,” Evil Tango snarled from behind him. Tango’s world exploded into shimmering starbursts as the flat of his sword caught him across the temple. He fell to the side with a groan, stunned.
In his sideways view he could hazily see Zed, halfway out of the hole he had broken in the wall and looking back at him worriedly. Tango mustered up a smile that he hoped was reassuring before he was roughly dragged backwards, and the opening disappeared from sight.
“Stay. Put.” Evil Tango flung him back into the half-built obsidian chamber and started placing blocks again, faster than before.
Tango stayed where he was thrown. At this point, fighting back more would only get him knocked out, and he wanted to stay conscious to aid in whatever plan Zedaph was going to try. Just the fact of Zed being there gave Tango more hope than he could have imagined a minute ago. His inability to come up with a plan felt a lot less insurmountable now that he knew he wasn’t alone. With the others’ help, they were going to get through this, no matter what.
Still, as the walls of his obsidian prison grew, he hoped that that help would come sooner rather than later.
Zedaph could really, really use some armour right about now. He stood perfectly straight behind a tree in the forest section of the dungeon, trying to pull himself inward as much as possible to escape the gaze of any wandering ravagers. He held his breath. He could hear one on the other side of the tree, huffing and snarling. He didn’t at all enjoy the idea of how close it was, but he supposed that for this plan to work, a nearby ravager was a good thing. Now that thought, he enjoyed even less.
Slowly, slowly, he took out his communicator. Still no reply from Xisuma. He must be busy or AFK at one of his farms. Great. The cavalry wasn’t coming, which left Zed and Impulse to deal with the situation on their own. The plan was a go.
He tapped out his message as silently as possible.
<ZedaphPlays> you ready?
<ImpulseSV> yeah, at the entrance
<ZedaphPlays> I don’t know how much time I can buy you, I’m not the best runner
<ImpulseSV> don’t worry about it
<ImpulseSV> worry about not getting eaten
Comforting. Zedaph gulped. His friend really had a way with words. He did have a point, though. With no armour, a single chomp from just one of those beasts could take him out - and Zed was planning on attracting a lot more than one. He had to create a big enough distraction for Impulse to get in, get Tango, and get out before Evil Tango noticed anything amiss.
<ZedaphPlays> phase 1 starting now. Don’t forget to get your stuff from the locker
<ImpulseSV> you’re stalling
<ZedaphPlays> maybe
Zed tucked away his communicator and tightened his hand on his pickaxe. He wouldn’t need it right away, but when he did, the ravagers wouldn’t give him much time to work.
Best to get it over with. He took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the tree.
“Hey ugly!”
The ravager turned, its massive nostrils flaring as it pulled his scent from the air. Its hooves - each one bigger than Zedaph’s head - dug into the earth, and it charged straight at him.
“Yeah that’s right, over here you big bloke - oh no oh no - !” Zed scrambled backwards, then turned and broke out into a dead sprint. These things were a lot faster than he remembered them being. He could almost feel its hot breath on the back of his neck as he dashed for safety.
He charged around a corner, almost running into a second ravager as he did. He yelped and ducked as two sets of monstrous horns crashed into each other. The beasts paused only for a moment to untangle themselves, and both turned and pursued him with renewed fury. He darted off down the hallway, headed for the lava paths. Hopefully the tight turns will give me some time… He was already panting for air, and he had a lot more running yet to do.
He picked up another ravager on the other side of the paths and continued his mad dash. He thought he saw a fourth one come uncomfortably close to ramming him from the side, but he sped past it and kept going. He knew if he looked back he would probably realise just how overwhelmingly stupid this was, so he simply didn’t look.
Zed rounded one last corner to see the closed doors of the torture chamber looming up ahead. He knew he didn’t have all of the ravagers in Decked Out on his trail, but time was up. He just had to hope the distraction would work. Unwilling to slow down, he slammed shoulder-first into the blackstone and stumbled to a halt. Ow. No time for ow. His pickaxe clattered into one block, then another, then another...he turned his head to the side to see the first ravager bearing down on him, its eyes red with rage. No time no time notimenotimenotime -
The last block gave out and Zed shot through the opening, sprinting straight past Evil Tango and back out through the hole in the wall he’d first escaped through.
“What the - !” Evil Tango stopped placing obsidian and turned toward Zed with a rage in his eyes comparable to that of the ravagers. “Who are you and how did you get - “
“Um, I’d run if I were you,” Zed suggested between heaving gasps.
Evil Tango’s brow furrowed. “What?”
A growling, snorting tidal wave of angry ravagers burst through the opening behind him. Evil Tango turned and froze in horror as the herd bore down upon him with a terrifying force. Zedaph actually almost felt sorry for the man. Almost.
That is, until he realised the fatal flaw of this plan.
One of the exits was currently blocked by ravagers. The other was currently blocked by Zedaph.
Zed felt the wind knocked out of him with a huff as Evil Tango slammed him against the wall, squeezing past to escape. The ravagers milled about in the torture room, still enraged but unable to get at either of them through the one block wide escape hole Zed had made. Not realising he was no longer being chased, Evil Tango fled down a hallway into the rest of the dungeon.
No, no, no! The ravagers were supposed to be chasing Evil Tango, leaving the torture chamber clear for Impulse to pick up his end of the rescue mission. Now the room was filled with ravagers, Evil Tango was getting away, and the only way to salvage the plan would be to….
Zedaph sighed and took another big breath. He had to be good for a bit more running.
“Hey Not-Tango!” he shouted as the corner of a blue cloak disappeared around the corner.
Evil Tango skidded to a halt and turned, glaring at Zedaph.
“Want to know two fun facts about ravagers?” Zed raised his pick. “One, they like to munch on scumbags like you for breakfast, and two - “ Zedaph drove his pick into the pair of blocks beside him. “They can fit through two-wide spaces.”
He dropped the pick and ran for his life.
He blew past Evil Tango and scrambled down the hallway as the ravagers squeezed through the newly widened opening. It took Evil Tango a second longer to absorb what was happening, but Zed soon heard the thump of feet behind him as he too fled from the beasts. Although, from the look of pure rage on Evil Tango’s face as Zed glanced behind him, he didn’t know if the evil clone was more running from the ravagers or chasing down Zedaph. Either way, his only hope was to keep going.
He made for the keep, hoping to lose some of the ravagers in the tight turns and narrow hallways. He hadn’t had nearly enough time to catch his breath, and he would appreciate some of the pressure being taken off. The maneuver worked a little bit too well - only one of the ravagers managed to navigate the obstacles, and Evil Tango was only increasing his efforts to catch up with Zed. He had his sword drawn now, and there was no question of whether he was predator or prey.
That was the last time Zedaph looked back. He just kept tearing around the dungeon, leaping over obstacles and taking corners at a skidding, knee-scraping run. He no longer heard any ravager growls behind him - he must have lost the last beast on one of the sharper turns. Evil Tango was still hot on his heels, though, silent but for the pounding of boots.
The longer he ran, the more the dungeon was starting to blur into a timeless mass of obstacles and escape routes. He could only hope that this was giving Impulse enough time to do what he needed to do. After that...well, they didn’t really have a plan after that. Hope that Evil Tango could be contained, hope that Xisuma could be contacted in time, hope that luck would be on their side?
Luck was not on Zedaph’s side as he dashed back into the graveyard. The soft earth finally made him stumble, and he slowed too much as he flung himself toward the exit. Evil Tango dropped his shoulder and slammed into him from the side, sprawling him out over one of the headstones. For the second time that day Zed’s breath left him in a rush, and he lay there dazed, unable to move.
Cold iron pricked at the side of his neck. Evil Tango grabbed him under one arm and roughly hauled him to his feet, keeping the blade at his throat.
“You, sir, have earned your place beside your friend in the obsidian prison,” Evil Tango gritted out as he dragged Zed away. “I don’t know how you got in here, and I don’t know how I didn’t notice you earlier, but I do know this: I won’t be hearing from you again for a long, long time.”
Zed went limp and allowed himself to be taken prisoner. All according to plan. Stage 1 complete. He let his head slump low, hiding a smile.
If everything truly
had
gone according to plan, this man had no idea what kind of storm he was about to experience.
In the cramped, thick darkness with no point of reference, Tango could barely even tell if he was dizzy or not. What he did know was that his head was throbbing. I should be healing by now , he thought. His hunger must be low. He wondered how long his food would last, if he was truly going to be left in here. Not as long as he would like, he guessed. Not as short, either.
No, he couldn’t afford to think like that. Someone would miss him eventually, right? They had to. Even if Zedaph’s plan - whatever it was - didn’t work, some of the Hermits had to clue in that the Tango who was manipulating them wasn’t the real deal. They had to.
Here though, chained in a box with no light and no tools, Tango struggled to think of anything he had done that would differentiate him from a strikingly good copy. A pang of fear shot through him. What if he just...wasn’t that memorable? What if nobody really knew him well enough to tell the difference? The pounding in his head grew louder, and he curled himself into an even tighter ball within the cramped confinement.
Wait. That pounding...it wasn’t just in his head. Light poured in from above as the obsidian suddenly broke, shards raining down and getting caught in Tango’s hair. He squinted up at the light, struggling to make out the face of the figure that reached in and pulled him from the ruined enclosure.
“Impulse?”
“Tango!” Impulse held Tango out by the shoulders for a second, worriedly checking him over, before pulling him in and clasping him in a crushingly tight hug. “You’re alright!”
Tango stood there blinking for a second more, both his brain and his eyes struggling to adjust to his abrupt change in fortune. He tried to return the embrace, but his still-chained wrists held him back. “I - I’m all right?” he stammered. “ I’m all right? You died , man!”
“And you could have died!” Impulse released him and got to work on the chains, freeing first his wrists and then his ankles. “I didn’t know what was happening after I - after I checked out. Zed did his best to keep me posted, but he couldn’t see too much without being caught by...your evil twin, or whoever that was. Hey-” He unraveled the last chain and stood to look Tango in the eyes. “Did you know about that? About Evil Tango?”
Tango rubbed his newly freed wrists. “Not before today, no, I had no idea. And I think it’s more of a clone-ification thing than a twin….” Tango trailed off as the adrenaline faded and the full horror of the situation hit him.
“Oh my god, I...Impulse…” He pushed a hand through his tangled hair and slowly sat down on the remains of the obsidian. “I’m so sorry, he had you in a cage and everything...if I had known he was around I would have told you, I promise, I just had no idea…!” Tango buried his head in his hands. He didn’t know what if anything he had done to bring Evil Tango down on all of them, but now that it had come to pass, he hated that Impulse and Zedaph were caught in the line of fire.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Impulse sat down beside him. “It - well, it wasn’t much fun for me, for sure, but it wasn’t very pleasant for you either!” He reached over and gently pulled Tango’s hands from his face. “I believe you that you didn’t know about it. You definitely would have told us if you did.”
“Yeah…” He felt a little bit better, but the thought that this person masquerading as him had managed to hurt them all so effectively still burned him.
“I wish we had more time to talk about it, but I’m afraid we really gotta get moving.” Impulse opened the black shulker on the floor and started tossing Tango his stuff. “I don’t know if Zed’s been training his endurance lately, but either way, a guy can only sprint for so long.”
“What do you m-” Tango cut off abruptly as he heard a voice and footsteps approaching.
“...and believe me when I say that after I’m done erasing your memory from the world, I will hunt down each and every one of those damn ravagers and-”
Evil Tango rounded the doorway with Zedaph in uncomfortable-looking tow and froze. His burning blue eyes widened as he took in the sight of Impulse and Tango, fully armed and armored, both free and both staring at him from atop the obsidian box. He sized up his odds and tightened his grip on Zedaph, holding the blade closer under his chin.
Tango felt his own eyes narrow into a cold, hard focus. He reached for his bow and drew it, aiming it square at the middle of Evil Tango’s forehead.
“That same trick won’t work twice,” he said in a low voice, holding the nocked arrow steady. “My bow does more damage than your sword, and I can shoot you much, much faster than you can stab him.”
“Then why don’t you?” Evil Tango’s face shimmered, and once again he was a mirror image of Tango’s own features. Tango’s breath caught, and the arrow quivered for a heartbeat.
“That’s what I thought,” laughed Evil Tango. Almost imperceptibly, he relaxed his grip on Zedaph.
It was only a moment of misplaced confidence, but it was enough. Zedaph twisted hard and wrenched himself out of the cloaked man’s grip, ducking under the swing of his blade and scrambling over to join Impulse and Tango. They spared only enough time for a glance between them, less than a second of unsaid agreement. Zedaph drew his sword, Impulse readied an axe, and Tango let the arrow fly. The time for subtle manipulation was over. They were done playing evil’s games.
Evil Tango swept his sword in front of him, deflecting the arrow into the wall. “I’m impressed, Tango,” he laughed as he parried a strike from Zed. “You’ve chosen good friends. Useful! I wish I had pawns as good as yours, who would break me out of prison without a second thought.”
“They’re not my pawns!” Tango shouted, abandoning his bow. He was way, way too angry for ranged combat right now. It was one thing for Evil Tango to claim superiority, but this? Comparing them, after all the pain and manipulation he’d inflicted on the people Tango cared about... “They’re not my pawns, and I’m not using them, because you know what? I’m not you! ” He roared and leaped off the obsidian pile, swinging his blade in a strong downward arc at the impostor who wore his face.
The two blades clashed in a shower of sparks. Evil Tango wavered slightly, bracing himself against the wall with his shield as he absorbed the full force of the blow. Tango saw Impulse moving to flank in his peripheral vision, preparing to shatter the shield with his axe.
Evil Tango saw Impulse’s approach as well. He dropped low to avoid a swing from Zedaph and swept out a leg, kicking Impulse’s feet out from under him. Impulse landed on his back with a grunt, and Tango moved to defend. He swiped his blade upward around the shield. Evil Tango dodged, but didn’t quite avoid the slash that drew a line of blood across his shoulder.
“You think that’s good enough,” he hissed, batting Zed aside with his shield. “I grew up in Hels , you pathetic excuse for a player. I fought enemies stronger than you while I was no more than a child!”
“Seems you’ve gotten out of practice, then,” Tango taunted, dancing backward out of range. Impulse was still trying to scramble back up off the ground, and Zed had been thrown back too far away to help. Tango was the only one in fighting form at the moment, so he had to hold Evil Tango’s attention for as long as possible.
Thankfully, Evil Tango seemed more than willing to narrow his focus. He let his form shift back to jet black and burning blue as he stalked toward Tango, blade quivering with rage.
“Listen to me, and listen well, because it’s the last time you’ll hear another voice for the rest of your living days. You like a little drama, don’t you? I can tell it from the way you built this place.” He continued his steady forward press, the mad hatred in his eyes bordering on desperation. “You’re addicted to the flair, the show . Well, here is exactly what kind of show you’re about to witness.”
“I am about to annihilate both of those pathetic worms you’re so pitifully loyal to. I will do it slowly, in all the most painful ways imaginable, and you will envy them in the face of what I have saved for you. Once they are gone you’re going right back in that cozy little box, and you will never see the light of day again.”
Tango found himself stepping ever backward, his sword shaking no matter how he tried to hold it steady. He was vaguely aware of the hole to the void gaping behind him, a little to the right. He skirted the edge of it, keeping Evil Tango in his field of vision. Over his shoulder he glimpsed Impulse pulling himself to his feet, but Evil Tango seemed far too focused to notice.
“And then? Then, I will become you so fully that every single person you used to call a friend will know none other than me when they hear the name ‘Tango’. I’m going to overwrite you so completely in their minds that they will remember you as nothing but the object of their suffering, a cruel, inescapable commander who manipulates the very ground they walk on and bends them to his will.”
Evil Tango’s voice was a mere whisper as he loomed over Tango, who was too frozen to move. He tried to force his limbs to obey him, but all that filled his mind were the horrible words, echoing over and over, all his worst fears come to pass. Evil Tango took a last decisive step forward and halted beside the void pit. His lips curled into a cruel mockery of a smile, victory gleaming in his eyes.
“One of them may wonder on occasion, what happened to the kind, helpful man they thought they could trust? Eventually, they will stop wondering, because I will have crushed the very essence of you and wiped it from the - “
A sudden motion flashed in the corner of Tango’s eye, and Evil Tango morphed into a falling blue blur as a netherite boot planted itself in his side and pushed. He toppled sideways into the void, arms flailing for purchase and finding none until he finally disappeared from view. His last cry of rage sounded only for a moment before being erased, consumed by time and nothingness.
Tango turned in numb shock to see Impulse standing there, foot still raised.
“He was wrong,” Impulse said simply, lowering his boot.
Zedaph ran up to them from the doorway, sword still out, still looking for a threat. “Did you get him? Where’d he go?”
Tango gestured vaguely to the hole, still in shock. He took a hesitant few steps toward Impulse.
“...What do you mean?”
“He was wrong,” Impulse repeated, more firmly this time. “I would have remembered you. We all would have remembered you.”
Tango felt a hot tear splash down his cheek. Evil Tango’s voice may have faded from hearing, but the words still cut sharp in memory. “Guys...if you ever felt like I was manipulating you or anything-”
“Of course not!” Zedaph cut him off and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Listen, first of all, I’m not sure you could if you tried-”
“Hey-!”
“And second of all,” he continued. “I don’t know about you, but I usually hang out with people because I like them. And I like to think that I’m a pretty good judge of character.”
“Yeah, if you were using us, we would know,” Impulse reassured him. “You’re great, buddy, but subtlety was never your strong suit. And don’t worry - you were nothing like that guy. That’s the whole point of evil clones: to catch you off your guard. Let’s not let it work, okay?” He gently took Tango’s arm and started guiding him out of the dungeon.
Tango took a deep breath for what felt like the first time in hours. He would have a lot to think about later, but for now, he just wanted to go home.
He stopped in his tracks as a nagging worry prickled at him. “Wait, if Evil Tango just died in the void, do you think he respawned somewhere?”
Zedaph looked thoughtful. “Well, he said he was from Hels, right? If he did respawn, he’s probably stuck back there.”
Tango reclaimed his arm from Impulse and started tapping worriedly at his leg. “But that means he could be back at some random time to kidnap someone again!”
“Already on it,” said Impulse as he typed at his communicator. “Asking X to expand the ban list. If that guy ever comes back, he’ll have to be more persistent than Evil X to get in, and those are big shoes to fill.”
Tango hesitantly let himself feel something approaching relief again. He kept up with the others as they walked toward the front of Decked Out. Now that the adrenaline had faded, he felt absolutely drained. He highly doubted he’d be able to sleep after today, but that didn’t stop his mind from drifting to that nap he’d missed earlier.
“Man,” he sighed as they all emerged from the dungeon and into the daylight. “I might have to borrow some of your baby zombies, Zed. This place
definitely
needs some tighter security.”